Sunday, 14 August 2016

Sometimes Life Gets Really Really Hard

I don't even know where to begin with this blog post. 
This is my third time attempting to write it, the first time I thought I was being too much of a downer, the second because I felt like I was oversharing. Life has basically just been really, really hard this year and if I'm being completely honest I feel a bit lost right now.
I've been dealing with severe cystic acne since a pill I was prescribed back in January brought it all back after years of fighting it. I've barely been leaving the house because I feel so disgusting and embarrassed by my skin right now. I thought if I came off that pill and let my hormones settle down then my skin would clear up but it's been over 6 months now and my skin is still just as bad. Sometimes a product will calm it down for a while but then it always comes back no matter what I do. I've stopped seeing my friends as much because of how disgusting my skin makes me feel and I even avoided going to my university lectures if I could manage it.
Dealing with the acne was bad enough on it's own, but then as you all already know, my little yorkshire terrior Pippin passed away in May. It was honestly one of the saddest times of my life. It still is. Even now I can't help getting upset when I come home and he's not there to greet me or when the postman arrives and he's not going crazy barking at the window. I had started this year so incredibly happy but by this point I honestly thought it couldn't get much worse.
Then, at the end of July, my boyfriend and I broke up. I can't believe I'm even writing those words because I honestly never thought I would be. As much as I know it came from a good place and he was as kind and wonderful as ever, I can't help but be heartbroken. For the last two and a half years I've been in such a happy routine seeing him almost every day and now that routine has ended and I don't know what to do. I miss him and I miss our relationship.
These last few weeks have been the toughest I think. All three of these crappy things all piled on top of each other at once have left me feeling like I'm stuck in a massive dark hole that I can't climb out of. Most days I struggle to even get dressed and I certainly don't leave the house.
I'm sorry that I'm being incredibly negative right now, it's not something I usually do but I can't fake happiness. I need to pull myself out of this dark hole bit by bit and I'm not quite sure how to do that yet. I hope this explains why there hasn't been any posts on this blog since the July roundup. As much as I absolutely hate not posting anything, I just really need to take some time to sort myself out first. My friend says bad things happen in threes so I'm absolutely praying that that's it for me now. I'm not sure when I'll resume posting regularly on this blog but hopefully it won't be too long. Maybe I can start fresh at the beginning of September, I don't know. If anybody reading this is going through a crappy time right now, please feel free to comment or email me so I don't feel like the only one. 
I'm really hoping this pretty dark time in my life lightens up soon and I can start to get back to normality.



  1. Life can REALLY suck sometimes. I'm sorry that you're having a really hard time but remember this, when you hit rock bottom the only way is up. :)

    S .x

    1. Thank you so much, I really hope so! :) xxx

  2. I'm so very sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time! Its okay to feel negative right now. You're going through a lot! Its healthier to let yourself feel down at the moment than to try and mask your unhappiness. Everything will get better though! I promise you that :) Just take it one day at a time.

    Renee | Life After Lux

    1. Thank you, I really hope so! Yeah I felt really guilty for being miserable for a while but now I just feel like I need the time to be sad and down so I can get it all out of my system! Thank you it means a lot :) xxx

  3. Oh Samantha I know how you must be feeling, I suffered with really bad acne at school and would get repeatedly bullied everyday because of it, you must be feeling so self conscious right now! But don't let it get you down all together you are a beautiful person inside and out, we all have our flaws!
    Hope you feel better soon!

    Meme xx

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    1. I'm so sorry somebody did that to you, I had that quite a bit as well in school and it was horrible! It really is such a crappy thing to deal with :( thank you so much! xxx

  4. Sometimes life sucks I know, but instead of telling you that I feel sorry for you, I'm going to bring a little bit of positivity to this comment and tell you that all things bad end and bring even more happiness in the end (no rain, no flowers).
    Oh, and if you think I'm super happy at the moment, I'm not either so know you're not alone. My grandma has just been diagnosed with grade 2 breast cancer... she's the only grandparent I have left and it's very upsetting. My mum's leaving on Sunday to go and see her for 3 weeks so me and my sister will be staying with my dad. My skin has also been a lot worse over the past couple of months, I always notice that it's terrible one week and slightly better the next week, then worse gain etc.
    I hope you feel better soon, I know exactly how you're feeling!
    Aleeha xXx

    1. Oh my gosh I'm so so sorry! That's awful, all I can say is I hope things get better :( ! Thank you so much for your comment, it means a lot! xxx

  5. I've only just stumbled across your blog but I think we all can relate in one way or another. I've been where you are, and still see myself scraping myself out of those dark holes but you'll get through it :)

    Sending you lots of positivity <3

    Georgia | The Weekend Attic